So I had this weird dream the other night where I came back home after going on a trip for about a month and my basement had a gang (about 8-9) of cats living in it. I was ordered to kill them all by way of baseball bat to cute furry skull. I then gathered them in a trashbag with some barbecue tongs and called it a day (or a dream as it were). I’m really not sure what this dream says about me (and I’m not sure I want to know), but it turns out that however gruesome my choice of cat destruction was, it was considerably more efficient than using alternative methods (namely masturbation). To kill all 8-9 of them would taken 3-4 lifetimes of routinely “rubbing one out!”
We can finally put that whole masturbate/kill a kitten legend to rest:
-It takes 5401.5 masturbation sessions for every single kitten death
-The average American man can masturbate regularly for 22.5 years before he is responsible for the death of a single kitten
-With a life expectancy of less than 75 years, the average man will be responsible for only two or three kitten deaths in a lifetime of vigorous masturbation
